I’m appreciative that young men [like the ones who created the “anti-rape” nail polish] want to curb sexual assault, but anything that puts the onus on women to “discreetly” keep from being raped misses the point. We should be trying to stop rape, not just individually avoid it.

If it were truly that simple, previous iterations of this same concept would have worked. Remember “anti-rape underwear”? Or the truly terrifying “Rapex” – a female condom that would insert tiny hooks into an assailant’s penis? You can’t really expect women to wear modern chastity belts or a real-life vagina dentata in order to be safe. That’s not trying to stop rape - it’s essentially arguing that some people getting raped is inevitable.

Even if a woman were to wear special nail polish or anti-rape underwear, or if she listens to common – but misplaced – advice about not getting drunk and always walking home in a group, all she’s supposedly ensuring is that she won’t be attacked. (And even then it’s not real security, because women who do all the “right” things get raped too) What about the girl at the same party who decided to have a few drinks that night? “So long as it isn’t me” isn’t an effective strategy to end rape.

My latest at the Guardian US, Why is it easier to invent anti-rape nail polish than find a way to stop rapists?  (via jessicavalenti)
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16 ways to talk about consent

  • 1. "Do you like when I...?"
  • 2. "I like when you..."
  • 3. "Will you...?"
  • 4. "How does this feel?"
  • 5. "Do you want me to...?"
  • 6. "Do you want to...?"
  • 7. "Is there anything you want to try?"
  • 8. "Show me what you like."
  • 9. "Do you want to go further?"
  • 10. "Do you want to stop?"
  • 11. "Can I...?"
  • 12. "Does this feel good?"
  • 13. "Are you happy?"
  • 14. "Are you comfortable?"
  • 15. "Are you having a good time?"
  • 16. "Is this good for you?"
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